Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
