i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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