it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
