I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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