I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
