you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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