Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
accomplished twins. life is a go
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
