Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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