i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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