you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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