there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
