I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
