I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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