In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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