You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
