And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
