is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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