That's intense
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
