Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
