guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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