Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
