Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
