I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When are your genitals available?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
