Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
