smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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