hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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