I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
