You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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