if only i could text you this smell
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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