Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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