i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
