The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
