Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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