if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize