I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
