barbara walters just said penis...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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