When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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