the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
