Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
