Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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