In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
