I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
