jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
