I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
