I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
