she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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