u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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