I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
