Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
