when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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