The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize