you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
