She's JV to your varsity
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
