I can text with my tongue
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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