how can u be prego again
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
