what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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