found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
