So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
