someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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