When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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