Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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