Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
