there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
