I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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