don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
