What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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