This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
