You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
