i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
