so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
