i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
