The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
