So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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