Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
