my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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