was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
