Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
