I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
