Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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