3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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