trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
