not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
