if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
