I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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