So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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