Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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