in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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