I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
