It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
