No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
