1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
