I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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