WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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