before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
