you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
