the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
