When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
