Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ugly people sure do ruin things
mondays should just be called national damage control day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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