he looks like a really good dad on facebook
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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