I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
