Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
