Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
