I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize