Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
