i was born a porn star she said
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
