I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize