I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
