I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
